"Am I dying?"
My Mom asked me that question when I arrived at Lancaster General Hospital June 1, 2009. What we all thought would be a brief visit for recovery turned into repeated hospitalizations, open heart surgery and eventually dialysis.
"Yes you are" I told her. My Mom has never been one to mince words and it was such a direct question I felt she deserved the respect of an honest and direct answer. She was dying. The renal disease on top of everything else was destroying her body. She weighed 84 pounds and was wasting away. It was the most gut wrenching experience of my entire life. Still is...
"I don't want to die. I want to live."
"I want to go home."
I fed her. I spoon fed my mother as much and as often as she could possibly tolerate. The food tasted horrible to her. I told her to eat it anyway. Renal disease causes a decreased appetite and the food tastes like metal. Lovely, huh? I made her eat all the time.
"I want to see Malia get married and I want to see my great-grandchild." My mother chose to live. We spent 16-24 hours a day together in the hospital and then at Landis Homes for three weeks so she could get enough strength back to travel to Ohio and return home.
We are back in Ohio. She is home. She is at dialysis right now. It's been the best thing that ever happened to her. I truly believe that. We aren't out of the woods yet and I still ask for your thoughts and prayers as they are most appreciated.
Once again, knitting kept me sane. If you look at my projects page on Ravelry you'll see a lot of market bags, seed stitch and the like. I chose projects that were satisfying and relatively mindless. My mind was too full to think about designing. It still is.
I'll get some pictures up here later. Right now I have to get back to the dialysis center and pick her up. I miss my daughter, I miss my friends. I have enough knitting here to keep me busy when I get a chance. I am grateful she is still on this earth and we can laugh and cry together. She is a remarkable woman and I have great admiration for her.
Sooooooo...I'll grab my knitting and head off to the DSI center to pick up Mom. Maybe we'll take a drive in the valley. If you read this please keep her in your thoughts.
I love you,Mom. And you're not a burden.
Must knit now,
Phyll
